“Whoops. I think I just had a
baby.”
These were the first words Max’s little
ears heard as he plopped down into the fetid receptacle of the section
13 porta-potty at Fred Bear archery in Grayling, MI. It was right
as Nugent was going into his kick-ass “Stranglehold” riff, so Max’s
mother bolted out of the shitter dragging him behind her by the umbilical
cord, which she hadn’t realized was wrapped around his neck.
The lack of oxygen caused by the flesh noose would leave Max with mental
retardation, the doctors said, but Max beat the odds. “It only
hurted my brain, not my mental,” he claims.
Though Max may not be the sharpest bulb
in the deck, he’s not overly kind either, as most mentally challenged
people are. Actually, he’s kind of a dick, which makes him a
great fit for the television industry. Max has produced shows
for HBO, Showtime, VH1, A&E, AMC, The Discovery Channel, Food Network,
and even Trio, and each and every one of them leaves you feeling a lot
like Max must have felt when he dropped out of his mother’s womb into
a pile of human excrement. We’re so lucky to have him in whitepeople.
Really.
